“What is a massive inferiority complex?”

– trivia nerds have an overwhelming compulsion to hoard useless facts and figures in order to compensate for this

The ability to memorize and regurgitate information is not, in itself, a sign of high intelligence. But I know other people think it is, and it just so happens to be a skill I possess to an, at least, above average extent. Which is why I’ve always fantasized about one day getting on Jeopardy! – the premier “regurgitate memorized information” competition.

As a former “smart but lazy” kid, it would be the ultimate validation of my intelligence by a supreme authoritative figure (the spirit of Alex Trebek). On the other hand, it could also be the greatest exposure of vulnerability – how many times has your average American viewer watched a contestant fumble the most obvious answers ever and think to themselves, “What an idiot!”

Mind you, there are multiple qualifying rounds contestants have to go through in order to be in a televised game of Jeopardy! in the first place – if you see them on TV, they’ve already proven themselves to be “smart enough” to be there.

So theoretically, if I got on the show at all, that should be enough for me, right? I’ve proven my worth as a clever young man? No. My self-worth is fully at the mercy of the average American Jeopardy! watcher, and I must never allow my performance to inspire them to think, “I could be on this show!”

– James