“Disclaimer: Slim and Chunk are not recommended for security purposes or combat situations. Henchmen For Hire is not liable for any damages incurred to the client due to bungling, buffoonery, and/or antics if used outside of recommended scenarios.”

– the fine print

I think everyone can use a couple of numbskull lackeys to deliver them positive affirmations every now and then whenever life isn’t going their way. And those perpetually optimistic lackeys deserve to work under an employer who doesn’t exploit or demean them. Or have them target children for harm only to be foiled through a series of increasingly ridiculous, yet still physically traumatic, pranks.

– James