“I’m not saying that people with small penises are bad people, I’m just saying that bad people act like they have small penises.”

– an argument that people present unironically

There’s a catch-22 when it comes to criticizing humor about the size of other men’s genitals – people will assume you’re being overly defensive about the size of your own genitals. Respond that, yes, you do have smaller-than-average genitals and you confirm their suspicions of insecurity. Respond that, on the contrary, your genitals are relatively large and you still don’t find the topic funny, and you’re accused of either humble-bragging or just lying. Present your genitals for confirmation, and- well, you know.

Of course, when the point is, “the size of one’s genitals are irrelevant to any aspect of their character,” that entire exchange should not have to take place at all.

Which brings us to the whole, “obnoxious asshole with a big and/or loud car must be compensating for their tiny dick” joke. I don’t care for it. First off, it’s an overdone joke – as a comedian, that’s offensive enough as it is – and I’ve never seen anyone retell it in an especially creative way.  Second, it inadvertently attacks perfectly decent small-penised individuals who don’t behave obnoxiously – reinforcing the idea that it is a negative quality that deserves ridicule. Third, it implies that possessing a large penis excuses one of obnoxious behavior – they have earned the right to be an arrogant prick because they possess a quality that justifies an inflated ego.

And on top of all that, we don’t actually know the size of most of these guys’ dicks at the end of the day. Has anyone even thought to survey these jerks to confirm the size of their penises? We could just as easily have jokes about big-dicked people being assholes because they have a superiority complex.

– James