“Whenever someone’s mouth makes the ‘see’ sound, that means they’re referring to a large body of saltwater.”

– if actual linguists acted the same as body language experts

Every time some sort of divisive public figure is recorded sharing their personal account of a story, thousands of “body language experts” (as well as impassioned amateurs) leap at the chance to analyze their behavior and determine the veracity of their words.

And wouldn’t you know it, every single time, they confirm that celebrity you hate has just been lying their ass off! You can tell because of that moment they scratched their nose like a fucking liar. Also, when they leaned their head to the left that one time! And especially when they leaned it to the right that other time! Damned liars just can’t keep their heads straight!

– James